Communication is key. A super cliché saying that is super cliché for a reason. Communication can solve so many problems! Everyone from world leaders to your little international family should practice it. And practice is key to communication being key.
Most people are not born being great at talking to teenagers…or to anyone for that matter. So you have to practice at it and yes you might be terrible in the beginning but if you keep doing it you might eventually be good…or at least half way decent. I really struggled communicating with our first student, to the point where I just wouldn’t say what was bothering me and I let my husband do all the talking. Now on our 4th and 5th student I got this. I can sit them down and go over why they are currently driving me insane, what the plan for the weekend is, or go over their budgets with them. It took me a while to get to that point and when I realized I got there I was so damn proud of myself.
But enough of my personal achievements, hahaha, and back to communication.
Again our first year was the hardest because that is the year you are learning and if we had (and by we I mean me) were better at communication it might have been easier. I see a lot of the new families near me going through the same pains and disappointments. So I want to stress this: work on communication as soon as possible: establish a family chat in WhatsApp (or your choice of messenger), make monthly (weekly, whatever) family meetings to go over things, have sit downs as soon as something comes up. Talking about and expressing a concern of an issue immediately will help so much. Do not let things fester because you will eventually blow up and they won’t even know it was a problem. Basically use communication to nip things in the butt before it becomes a real problem. And don't forget to listen. Listen to what they are saying, and sometimes what they aren't saying. Have a conversation about issues, do not just "give them a talkin' to".
It is also important to remember that you didn’t raise these kiddos and their parents might have a totally different communication style. They themselves will have different communication styles. And you have to be patient and let everyone figure everyone’s style out.
True Story: We planned an overnight trip to Raleigh, we planned most the things and had a family meeting to go over it and try to get input. We were met with silence. This was upsetting. We wanted some sort of feedback. Yes? No? Hell no? OMG I am so excited? Nothing. Just crickets. So my husband was more upset about it and feeling unappreciated, but I am with the students more often so I was further along in understanding them; so I figured it was a misunderstanding. So the next day after school I sat them down at the island in the kitchen (I call it “my office”, to try to make it less stressful) and we had a chat about what had happened and why we were upset. And they apologized profusely and explained they were excited and they appreciated everything. So I told them they needed to tell my husband that and to look up some restaurants to prove to him that they were indeed excited. And then we talked about communication styles. Americans being more expressive and excited in their conversations and that we are all still learning (this was in the first couple months of them being with us). They have been more expressive in their input on things since.
Moral: Everyone sucks at communicating. Kidding. Everyone has their own style and you need to communicate yours and get them to share theirs so no one hurts anyone’s feelings on accident. And sometimes you have to meet in the middle.
So, communication is key. Cliché but true.
Need tips communicating with your student feel free to contact me or check in with your support team!
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