Expectations. We have them. The students have them. Their parents have them. The school has them. The exchange organization has them. Expectations can make or break an exchange year. And while we can’t do much concerning their parents, the school, or the organizations; we can help the students manage their expectations and our own.
Most students coming to the United States have seen all the movies and all the tv series and believe they have a good grasp on what “America” means. ALL the students at the American school will be super attractive. Some will even bust out into song at random moments. ALL Americans are wealthy and live in giant houses with swimming pools. Younger host siblings will be always charming and fun to live with. My host parents will be my maids. All the neighborhoods are straight out of cute rom-com films and the schools are perfection. Also we have vampires going to high school here.
Those are just some of the expectations I have heard of. Hilarious I know, especially the bit about American host parents being maids. Nope. As soon as I was tall enough to do chores I was doing them so I do not expect anything less from my students (they have a list of weekly chores, their own laundry, and general cleaning up after themselves).
To curb some of these more silly ones, it is a good idea to start communicating as soon as possible with your student. That way they can get to know you and ask important (or silly) questions about life in America and what to expect.
You will battling not only tv/film ideas but also the ideas that the exchange programs give them. They are selling a lifestyle. Selling the key word. So they show only the highlight reels. They use students that had an amazing no-problem year as examples. “Yes everyone will love you, you are the foreign exchange student!” This is simply not true. Yes, exchange can be amazing, but it is amazing because those students worked at it. And that is the part they fail to mention. The work that goes into the year. Your student might make a ton of friends real easy, or they might struggle; they might excel at all their classes; or they might find the new English terms difficult and have to study harder. Every student's exchange year is different and comparison is the theif of joy, and that might be something you have to regularly have to remind them of.
Dealing with expectations can be difficult but having regular honest conversations about them will help express and enforce what they should expect and what you expect.
Now. You. As host parents we have expectations too. Sometimes they are sky high and you crash down when your student isn’t exactly what you thought.
It’s important to remember cultural differences here too. You might expect a teenager to be able to do basic chores (like you did or your kids do), but not all cultures encourage this type of self-sufficiency. Italians and Spanish students do not generally do chores. Mom does all the things for them. So you might have to have a regular sit down about chore expectations.
You read their applications throughly and choose your student with care. A few key words really stood out. You expect that student. That student is not what you get. Because that student changed over the year or two that has passed since they filled that application out.
Remember how much growing, changing, and maturing happens in your teen years. They will even change dramatically within the ten months they are with you. So do not freak out if there are little differences from the application and the actual flesh and blood student.
Expectations. We have them, we can’t avoid them, and sometimes they are straight-up wrong. But we must deal with them with a level head, sense of understanding, and a dash of humor. And remember: if all you knew about a culture came out of Hollywood or a sales pitch you could be misled too.
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