In polite society we tend to veer away from the taboo topics of sex, religion, and politics; though I personally believe talking about them more often with more people might make the world a slightly less scary place. But today we will focus on talking about them with your exchange student. Most teens avoid these topics with adults, especially with their own parents; but I have found that most exchange students want to talk about them and the differences between how their country and the USA views these topics.
So are you prepared to talk about taboo topics?
It is important to note that the exchange organization discourages the students from talking about these topics with their host family. Which I understand as opinions can vary greatly. And you have to judge for yourself how open you and your family are to listening to someone else’s opinion or experience with certain topics. But you are hosting an exchange student so I believe that most of you will be open to at least discussing certain topics, maybe not all of them, but some of them.
Sex.
When we talk about sex it is NOT with specifics. We are NOT talking about personal experiences. We ARE talking about how our culture, American/Southern, views sex. Do NOT talk about your sex life or theirs (unless its to talk about your rules regarding your home, or if they get knocked up and have to go home). That being said, we talk about how Americans (specifically the South) view sex. We talk about how the schools “teach” about “sex”, or really the lack of education around it. We talk about laws and rules regarding it. We talk about access (or lack thereof) of birth control. And while we are talking about how America views and deals with all this they are telling us how their home country does. If someone gets uncomfortable talking about sex, stop talking about it. Don’t be weird. They are still teenagers. I feel as long as it is in the abstract and about culture/laws its fine.
Religion.
This one can get tricky. Beliefs are very personal. Some students will not want to talk about it, some host parents won’t either. But I truly believe that to overcome biases it is important to talk about religion (or non-religion), especially with those that are not the same as you.
We live amongst the Bible Belt where you can’t throw a rock without hitting 3 churches (this is something every student has mentioned btw) so it can be difficult for students who do not identify as “Christian” to talk about religion. I personally am a Humanist and my husband is a Christian but he doesn’t go to church (which places him outside the normal here). Church here is an outing, it is something the teenagers do together to hang out (youth group), this in itself is a odd concept to most exchange students.
So when we talk to our students about religion or non-religion we try to stay very open to what they have to say. They ask a lot of questions about southern American church culture, which we try to answer but not being involved in it I can only say so much on the topic. They tell us about their country’s religious views and practices; for example in Norway you can be “confirmed” as a Christian or a Humanist. We talk about how religion and law can influence each other. We talk about different religions as well. We compare notes so to speak. We only ever slightly discuss personal beliefs. We never ask, they can offer up the information but I never come out and ask them exactly what they believe (as it is personal and it can feel like an attack for teenagers). If they offer information up, some follow up questions can be asked but again not so much on a personal level but on a their religion as a whole level. On the other side we never really talk about our personal beliefs, if it comes up we kind of skim over it. We only share surface level information, unless they ask for more and we feel comfortable talking about it. We NEVER try to convert anyone to our side. Even though we have cookies.
Religion is as complicated of a subject as you can get. And a very personal one. So only talk about it if everyone is comfortable with it and stop if someone is getting upset by the line of conversation. Again don’t go too personal, a bit here and there is fine, but keep it above board so to speak. Talk about the religion itself and how it plays into your culture. Obviously personal opinions sometimes sneak out but try to stay neutral.
Politics.
Oh politics, how do we avoid thee? It feels like the political air has been on fire for sooo long now, I’m not even sure how to address it here. They will ask questions. Especially on stuff in the news. As of writing this I have been asked if we are going to war with Iran at least three times between my two students.
I definitely have a tendency to (maybe over) share my political opinions, and not only on our American government but the world political situations. But in sharing my opinions and explaining facts of current affairs I also invite their opinions and questions. I never say this is my opinion and it must be yours too. And I would never expect anyones’ opinions to ever line up exactly with my own. I also enjoy hearing about how they feel about their own governments and how they see the world and America through the political lens. Most students (that have an opinion, not all do because they are after all still teenagers) believe that their governments could be doing better for their people, so we are all alike in that at the minimum. While Norway seems to have its shit together, there are still things that could be improved. And our Italian students have had very little faith in their government because it is still battling a corrupt system. It will be interesting when next year we have a student from a country that some other nations do not even recognize its existence, her thoughts and opinions will probably be rather thought-provoking.
When it comes to politics, tread carefully as the other topics, though it is often spoken in a more public domain it should still be considered with care. It is important to remember that they come from a different background, and they are still teenagers and their minds aren’t made up on what they stand for or believe, and they may not have all the facts (even adults make up their minds without knowing everything). Their opinion might not be yours and that is okay, it is how you handle it that will be make or break of the conversation.
It is not your job to influence them on any of these “taboo” topics; you may share your beliefs, thoughts, and the facts of the day; but at the end of it they should be developing their own opinions on matters. As we know that is a vital part of growing up: figuring things out for yourself.